The Science Behind Self-Love

Self-compassion, a key component of self-love, actually changes our brain chemistry. When we practice self-love, our bodies release oxytocin and serotonin, the same feel-good hormones we experience in loving relationships with others.

Self-love works like an emotional immune system. Without it, we're vulnerable to every external opinion and criticism that comes our way.

The Building Blocks for Self-Love

Be seriously kind to yourself. We live in a world of impossible standards, where we're constantly bombarded with social media highlight reels showing only the best aspects of others lives and advertising messages telling us we're not quite good enough. Add to this society at large ramming expectations down our throats on a daily basis and it's quite easy to lose ourselves.

You don't need to be a CEO, super fit, the perfect parent, a size 8, or have your life totally sorted. You're human, and perfectly lovable exactly as you are.

Reframe your inner dialogue. The beliefs and stories we constantly tell ourselves on repeat have the power to create and the power to destroy. The way you speak to yourself literally rewires your brain.

Try this: The next time you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, pause. Take a breath. Now, rephrase that thought as if you're speaking to your best friend. Would you tell them they're "stupid" for making a mistake, or would you remind them that everyone has off days?

Be mindful of who you surround yourself with. Think of your self-love like a precious plant. It needs water and the right environment to flourish. Surround yourself with people who water your soul with encouragement, not those who throw shade on your growth.

Master the art of healthy relationships. Truth bomb: Loving yourself doesn't mean you have to be single. But it does mean maintaining your own identity within relationships. I personally can't stand the term "my other half" which implies you can't be whole without the significant other.

Red flags to watch for:

• Morphing into who you think your partner wants

• Being unable to spend enough time alone

• Constantly seeking external validation

• Struggling to communicate your true feelings and set boundaries despite being frustrated

A healthy relationship should feel like two whole people choosing each other, not two half-people desperately clinging together. This is where we veer into co-dependency.

Find your north star. Finding your life purpose isn't just about career goals or achievements, It's about discovering what makes your soul sing. Ask yourself:

• What activities make me lose track of time?

• When do I feel happiest and most alive?

• What would I get up and do every single day if all of my financial needs were taken care of?

• What problems do I love solving?

Practical exercises to nourish your soul

Morning mirror exercise: Start each day by looking in the mirror and naming three things you appreciate about yourself. If it feels awkward, there's an even bigger need to do it.

The Compassion Switch: When you make a mistake, pause and ask: "How would I comfort a friend in this situation?" Then offer yourself that same kindness.

The Purpose Hour: Spend 60 minutes daily doing something that lights you up.

The Boundary Practice: Say "no" to one thing that doesn't serve you.

The Hard Truth About Self-Love

Self-love isn't a destination - it's a daily practice. Some days you'll feel on top of the world, others you'll wonder if you've made any progress at all. Both are perfectly normal.

Remember: Your relationship with yourself is a lifelong romance. Some days will feel like passionate love affairs, others like awkward first dates. But with patience, practice, and persistence, you'll discover that the greatest love story was within you all along.

Are you ready to fall in love with yourself? The journey starts now, and this time, you're both the lover and the beloved.

For professional support in your self-love journey, consider reaching out to a qualified therapist or coach who can provide personalised guidance tailored to your unique needs.

About the Contributor

Nicola McAdam
Nicola is a Certified Life Coach and Trainee Psychotherapist. After navigating her own tumultuous mental health journey, she retrained and now brings her tried-and-tested holistic MindVibes approach to corporate teams and individuals alike. Nicola finds immense joy in helping others thrive.

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