Doing the work: Nurturing Mental Health through Stress, Anxiety, and Therapy
Are you doing the work?
And have you ever stopped to reflect on what "doing the work" actually means? When it comes to nurturing your mental health?
In an era where terms like stress, anxiety, mental health and healing are frequently banded around,, it appears that everyone has taken on the role of a therapist to some extent. I often come across stories from clients and friends, particularly women, who hold back from engaging in relationships or situationships due to the perception that the other person isn't actively "doing the work."
But what does the elusive concept of “doing the work” actually mean?
To "do the work" involves committing ourselves to fully understanding our own essence and the impact we have on the world. It requires introspection into our deepest traumas buried beneath our anxiety and the emotional wounds we carry, urging us to confront our past experiences and how they shape our present behaviors.
It prompts us to foster self-awareness and develop the skill to engage and communicate meaningfully and effectively with others.
The journey of "doing the work" necessitates genuine self-examination, often facilitated by a therapist or coach so we can begin to see outside of ourselves. It entails taking an honest inventory of our current selves, our desired selves, and the unexplored territory in between. This expedition alone demands qualities such as courage, patience, compassion, and the ability to forgive ourselves.
The essence of "doing the work" urges us to stop seeking refuge in distractions that do not contribute positively to our mental health such as working or exercising to excess, burying our feelings in booze, TV or food, or constantly socialising in order to avoid spending time with ourselves.
Instead, it encourages us to embrace discomfort, sit with, and share our uncomfortable feelings, drawing us closer to our authentic selves.
Instead of being consumed by the distractions of social media, or friendship drama, you decide to let go of these crutches temporarily and allow yourself the luxury of stillness and silence. This does not come easy to some people and a degree of discomfort might surface. Rather than instinctively reaching for your phone, or a co-dependent relationship to escape this unease, you consider sitting with it. Confront it with curiosity, explore its depths, listen to its messages, and embrace the challenges it presents. It's highly probable that after this experience, you'll find yourself closer to an authentic truth.
When delving into the realm of romantic relationships, unaddressed traumas exert a significant influence. Relationships serve as illuminating spotlights, unveiling the remnants of unresolved trauma wounds within us and providing limitless opportunities to be constantly triggered. As a result, we become hypersensitive, misinterpreting innocent actions as threats due to the vigilance instilled by our response to past events. This heightened state of alertness triggers primal emotional responses—fight, flight, or freeze—often leading to paranoid, depressive or aggressive behavior.
Engaging with a therapist or mental health coach can provide fresh perspectives, alter your outlook on situations, and offer relief from internal distress. Many individuals experience positive changes after just a few sessions, especially when working on specific, well-defined, or recurring issues and seeking help promptly.
Here are some signs that you might not be actively engaged in "doing the work" and it could be time to consult a therapist or coach:
Recurring Patterns: If your relationships, situationships, or jobs consistently follow familiar patterns, it could indicate that the universe is presenting the same lesson until you learn from it. This might signify that the issue lies within you, necessitating inner work.
Blaming Others: If you consistently blame your boss, sibling, or friend for perceived wrongs, it might unveil a deeper layer of introspection. This issue might be impacting your quality of life.
Defensive Stance: Reacting defensively during challenging conversations—assuming the demeanor of a disgruntled teenager or opting for silence in sensitive situations—reflects a need to refine your emotional responses.
Passive Aggression: Using passive-aggressive responses like "I'm fine" when you're not content is a form of emotional manipulation. Developing clear and effective communication is vital in adulthood and all aspects of life.
Social Withdrawal: While many people appreciate alone time, if being around others distresses you or triggers a fear of social interactions, therapy can assist in understanding and managing these feelings.
Adopting Coping Mechanisms: If you've introduced significant changes in your life or developed habits to cope with an issue, it could indicate that you're not actively addressing the root problem.
The journey of "doing the work" unveils an exciting exploration of our inner world, propelling us toward a deeper comprehension of ourselves and the world we inhabit. This expedition towards self-discovery is closely intertwined with addressing stress, anxiety, and mental health concerns through avenues such as therapy or mental health coaching, ultimately fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.